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Togo of Grand Smials
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November 2013
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Togo of Grand Smials [userpic]
Actual mysticism - 1 of a continuing series

Okay fine, I'll say it: the 1 thing I've been witholding from everyone, everywhere, everybody, all this time, is just that I've been training to be a shaman since I had my vision at age 5.

That's why the unconventional life-style and personal history ... from having a scholarship to Banff School of Fine Arts to dropping out of high-school and joining electronic espionage in the army.
All of it: the deep-background radicalism, the raising 5 kids in the highlands, the hi-tech hot-shot at 19, the monasticism, the pool-hustling beer-guzzling street musician, the project-spouting academic, the djembe-playing trance-dancing... just field research.
Those who care to know could have figured it out. I know some have had their intuitions; they've helped me some. The rest are either as though brain-damaged or they intentionally talk themselves out of their authentic intuition ... as they always do ... likely coming up with a whole set of ways to demean and dismiss me; most antagonism is a smoke-screen for evasion and denial. That's how it works: no point my trying to convince folk since if they need to be convinced it's likely for the worst of reasons.)

How does it work? Simple. (No, not easy ... I wrote "simple" cuz I meant "simple"; thinking at the level of a 3 year old is one of the many ways you avoid understanding.) ... I go "there" and come back with an un-typical experience, is all. The classical "heroes' quest".

An example:

Ultimate View ... either you are intentionally for others or you are against others, however "un-intentionally" ... deniability is key to the BluePill. And the BluePill view is all about gaining by others' loss.

No big deal? Major big deal.
There are something like 600,000,000 psychopaths and sociopaths in the world; most are clumsy and ignorant (cuz most folk are, actually, clumsy and ignorant) but a few have the benefits of rich society: education, position, credibility. So let's say there are something like 60,000,000 of thos.
Now thing is, sociopaths are hell-bent on wrecking other folk and they very usually bring their palaces down upon themselves, through strife or war or criminality. But psychopaths aren't that way: they don't mind wrecking folk, causing suffering, but they aren't sadistic ... for them other people are just objects to manipulate. Empower them with the trappings of power, and you got Problems with a capital P and Trouble with a capital T. So let's say they're half and half, sociopaths and psychopahts. Let's say of the 6 billion creatures on the gods' good earth there are 30,000,000 psychopaths in positions to do pretty much what they will. (See my venerable old "Fallen Angels", created in 1996.) And prolly gender neutral, so 15,000,000 men. (Hey, get off the pot ... it's still a chauvinistic world.)

Do I really think I can work through the forest of psychopaths? No. There's little to be done with them.

But what about the 5 billion people who are neither psychopaths nor sociopaths?

Guess what: if you aren't intentionally for others then you will easily cut a deal with the psychos ... with the bullies and his helpers ... left wing or right wing, corporate suits or drug-lord peasant-leaders, commie or fascist ... deniably, of course, professing that evil was never your intention ... and that's how it works: I'm like against an army of vampires, carrying a light, and you all are the scorpions and bushes and crawling bugs and biting snakes that swarm me as I stumble through the out-back.

When you are truly for yourself you are truly and intentionally for others. That's Ultimate View ... how we are not seperated by self-interest.

This after yet again delving authentically into actual desperation. (75c left and 3 weeks before my cheque comes; will I magnetize another brain-killing job in hi-tech?)
There. That's how it works.

May all beings realize the root of happiness free from suffering.

Tell me something: I just peeked a page layout I came up with ?what? 5 or 6 years ago. What do you think of it? My perenially alpha homepage is more to my liking, but ...

Re: I did not see that this one from you was today.

"But dig: if what I wrote, at some length and with some effrot, had a bit of a good effect for you ... jogged you into some fresh thinking about what you already knew ... what better time to take *hell's bells!* even a whole 1.5 minutes to set out your own thinking. For yourself! It wudda proved the point: enlightened self-intersest (knowing that giving yourself a moment to chew on something rich) would have good effects on others (I might have had a bit of a sense that all this isn't a total waste.)"

Your right, the memories it brought up are nice so I should have shared them with myself and with others. They are from one of my teachers Ani-la we just call her, very beautiful person, has a masters degree in Psychology I think. She is also the one who gave me my Refuge vows! She is great always getting me to think in a lot of different ways.

"It's very hard to know our motives cuz looking back at what we did trying to see /why/ we did it good old brain plugs in all sortsa legit-sounding BS ... is what L and R brain do ... like a team of PR experts spinning stuff for reporters.
Is why so many wisdom traditions talk: keep a clear eye on what you're thinking in the moment. Mebbe we forget, mebbe we lose track, heck mebbe we fib cuz we're embarassed ... but it's the thing to try and do."

Hard to remember what I was thinking, more then likely I was just cutting corners. I can be manipulative and not realize it. But most often I am usually a generally honest and good person......on a bad day I try to watch my tough. Its so easy isnt it? Liking people when we are in a good mood? Haha that’s a big one to work on with dharma practice. Ani-la calls that “The Art of Not Getting Angry....Even When You Think You Should.” Of course sometimes it seems good to be angry....we should be angry about war and trying to stop it and things like that. But in a social situation it usually does not much good.

Ya I am going to College, right now just basic stuff Math and English. But once I can start picking my classes I want to take some on psychology, sociology, and any classes that might be close to philosophy as well( I don’t think Ivy Tech and much in the way of Philosophy).